Platinum Readers: Take heed—All others, turn on the T.V., You’re Not Subscribed to this Special Newsletter

posted by Dr. James G. Hood
Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Platinum readers, I repeat this once more: make sure you’re alone. Look over your shoulder to make sure you’re  unwatched, unmolested, and otherwise unable to read this eloquent bit of news because some idiot, some jerk, is trying to glean a glimpse of this gold (or in this case platinum) newsletter. Platinum Readers, I your faithful khood4208 know that when you read a book you want at least one tree to be felled in your honor. That is, unless you’ve got one of those cutesy Kindles. Then you just want some silicon, and the recognition, that yes, Amazon I’m a preferred customer, thank you children of China for providing me with such a neat little device, so that I can be a beacon of erudition for all the proles, nay frogs that hop about with scant understanding of the metaphysical, epistemological, and socioeconomic underpinnings of our oil spilling, oil mongering, geopolitical Goliath befuddled by the throwing of the proverbial pebble or in this case the ever expanding, Greenhouse gas-emitting, GDP of China on the world economic stage coupled with gross fiscal irresponsibility (especially in regard to the floating rates of home mortgages), BP incompetence, the lack of satisfactory renewable energy resource funding, and the sound of shuffling feet in tune to a balanced ebb and flow of a well-timed, articulate, fully realized PR campaign, that looks good on camera, but that still shuffles its feet so smoothly and so often so that action is sometimes a show rather than concrete action—in spite of all this—Platinum readers (perhaps because of it), dear Platinum readers, I khood4208 would like to bring to your attention Anna Karenina, a book with more characters and characters with more names (patronymics), more confusion (on part of the patronymics), but also so much more—umph!—that makes it all worth it. You may be saying hasn’t he mentioned this before? Isn’t this just a way to write more about something again to fill the pages? Isn’t summer reading supposed to be light like gossamer strands in an ethereal sky? Well, no (to the third question at least). I have mentioned this book before, but that’s only because it’s worth mentioning. Tolstoy manages to craft unique characters mixed up in this drama of love and loss that we call life on the Russian stage with philosophical implications for the U.S. It really is something to chew on through your different chains of reasoning, moralizing, and your own aesthetic sense of beauty looking at literature as art, and contemplating how it reflects on our everyday lives. Platinum readers, I finished this book a couple weeks ago, and I hope you’ll enjoy a frolic in literary excellence. Hopefully, we can discuss this over wine and cheese, as is customary for your refined tastes, or in this case, this web blog.

Leave a Reply